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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29222064">tired little laughs, gold-lie promises</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/maremote/pseuds/tearbending'>tearbending (maremote)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>azula redemptionverse [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Fire Lord Zuko, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:47:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29222064</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/maremote/pseuds/tearbending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Something's off with you," Azula says, sharp, wild eyes piercing the layers of composure and clothing Zuko's carefully arranged between him and the truth, and Zuko does the one thing he'd vowed he wouldn't do in Azula's presence anymore- *he flinches.* </p>
<p>A little one-shot that's compliant with a much larger Azula-centric story I'm working on.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azula &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Ozai &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>azula redemptionverse [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>tired little laughs, gold-lie promises</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>comments feed the writer!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">"Something's off with you,"</span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span class="md-plain"> Azula says. </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">Zuko's arranged countless layers of composure and clothing between the truth and the rest of the world. It's not enough to deter Azula's sharp, wild eyes though; they pierce through him like they always have. And Zuko does the one thing he'd vowed he wouldn't do in Azula's presence anymore- </span>
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">he flinches.</span>
    </em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">Her laughter follows him out of the Fire Nation's only psychiatric institution, echoing in his ears. Her words follow him, too, whispering themselves in his ears again and again as he crosses the fire-lily-lined stone path to the Caldera.</span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">Something's off with you.</span>
    </em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">What could have given it away? He'd been so careful to control his movements, careful not to flinch when his heart jerked in his chest. He'd spent hours training himself out of the habit of running his fingers of the edges of the scar left by Azula's lightning. Every time he could feel one of his attacks coming on, he'd found an excuse to hole himself up somewhere alone. A reason to end his meetings or training sessions early, a reason to rush out from having tea with Uncle, a few beats of solitude.</span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">There, alone, he had the luxury of feeling pain without pretense, of not having to smooth out his brow and keep his eyes clear and expression light. He could curl up into a tight ball, bite his hand to keep from making too much noise, and wait for his heart to stop seizing in his chest. </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">The first time it had happened, he'd blamed it on stress. He'd barely hid it, he remembers. He'd said something about not feeling well and excused himself from lunch, then reappeared at his first afternoon meeting. The attacks hadn't lasted long at first- thirty seconds or less. Sometimes he barely realized they had been happening until they were over- but they'd steadily been growing longer and longer, as well as more painful, until Zuko found himself clutching at his chest in agony for thirty minutes that felt like thirty years. </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">Of course, he supposed it would have been too good to be true for Katara to have been able to reverse the full effects of Azula's lightning. He'd seen what it had done to Aang in Ba Sing Se. And yes, that had been Azula when she was full of purpose and direction clarity, not the shattering Azula they'd found in the Caldera, but still. Lightning was lightning. </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">Zuko's feet lead him to the smallest, most familiar of the palace's many courtyards, and he finds himself kneeling by the pond. He's a familiar face to the turtleducks preening their underbellies and chirping around their mother, and they pay him little mind. </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">His reflection stares back at him from the shimmering pond he kneels on the edge of, and he regards it critically. To his dismay, the suggestion of late nights and early mornings is visible below his good eye. Observing the tight grey crescent, he makes a mental note to speak to his royal physician about ways to reduce their appearance. His hair's had time to grow out since his coronation, and half of it falls to his shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">He likes it like this; likes it more than the awful shaggy bangs he put up with while it was still growing out. The first time it was long enough to do like this, Sokka gaped at him for a solid minute before he'd shook his head and laughed. </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">"What?" Zuko had demanded, feeling the tiniest bit ridiculous. </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">"Nothing," Sokka had chuckled, shaking his head. "Just. You look so </span>
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">different.</span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span class="md-plain"> I mean, especially from the first time I saw you. It's like, giving me whiplash. Where did Angry Bald Phoenix-Tail Patriot Zuko go, and where did Fire Lord Zuko, Deposer of Ozai come from?" </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">"Technically, I didn't depose Ozai myself," Zuko had corrected and Sokka rolled his eyes, waving the objection away with one lazy hand. "Details," he'd mused, then stopped and eyed Zuko, face suddenly serious. "But really. Who would've thought?" </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">Zuko had relaxed the tiniest bit, something in the pit of his stomach giving a contented purr. "Who would've thought," he'd echoed, and returned Sokka's fond smile. The Water Tribe boy had been leaning against one of the Fire Palace's stone pillars, his posture relaxed and warm and open. For a moment, Zuko had let himself wonder what it would feel like to be enclosed in the safe circle of those warm brown arms-</span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">Zuko scowls at the pond like it was personally causing all his problems.</span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p"><span class="md-plain">The other half of his hair (the half not settling on his shoulders in a smooth black curtain- mother always said he had such lovely hair. Maybe that was why he'd cut most of it off after his banishment. After what she'd taught him about what was right and what was wrong led to a blazing handprint emblazoned across his face.) is tied up in a bun on with the Fire Nation crown sits, a tangible reminder </span><span class="md-pair-s"><em><span class="md-plain">that this is real.</span></em></span> <span class="md-pair-s"><em><span class="md-plain">Zuko is Fire Lord.</span></em></span></p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">Fire Lord Zuko.</span>
    </em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">When Azula's in a good mood, she likes to call him that. It cracks her up, the title, the crown in his hair, all of it. She's always thought him weak, and compared to her, Zuko can't exactly argue. He's not envious of her particular brand of strength, though; she's far too like their father in how she exacts control, and Zuko wants no part of that. </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">Still, there are times where he thinks that he can't do this, can't be the person an entire </span>
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">nation</span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span class="md-plain"> is depending on him to be. It's too much, and he's too young, too ignorant, has spent too much time away from the palace, too weak. He's not equipped to deal with squabbling generals and kings and advisors, all with different requests, and then the people's reactions. Most of them have warmed up to him, but there's still a very vocal minority would like Ozai back. They grow more and more vocal every day Zuko concedes to Water Tribe demands or sends funds to rebuild destroyed Earth Kingdom villages. There are even whisperings of conspiracies that have Suki checking and double-checking Fire Palace security. There's so much to consider, and nothing he decides pleases everyone. He doesn't want to </span>
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">do</span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span class="md-plain"> this, sometimes- wants to run back to Uncle or run back to being the Blue Spirit. Back then, he could accomplish whatever needed to be done without having to sign treaties and go through countless polite performances of diplomacy. Without having to worry about public opinion or be held accountable by an angry populace-</span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">But then he remembers Aang's face when he was told he had to kill Ozai. Remembers how Katara's hand curls around her mother's necklace when she's nervous. Remembers Sokka, late at night, when it was just them and the firelight. How he let his shoulders sag, his shield of humor drop, confessed that he still has nightmares. (About the Day of Black Sun, about the airships, nightmares where his grip falters and Toph plummets through the smoke and fire to her death, or Suki is shot dead, or he loses Katara, or Hakoda, or Aang). and he thinks- </span>
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">what right does he have to run away from this?</span>
    </em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">They've all lost </span>
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">so much,</span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span class="md-plain"> and he's been lucky, really, compared to them- given second chances, and </span>
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">third</span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span class="md-plain"> chances, and been believed in and supported and carefully guided to the truth, and then </span>
  <span class="md-pair-s">
    <em>
      <span class="md-plain">forgiven</span>
    </em>
  </span>
  <span class="md-plain"> even though Agni knows it's more than he deserves.</span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p">
  <span class="md-plain">Zuko has no right to complain. </span>
</p>
<p class="md-end-block md-p md-focus">
  <span class="md-plain">He tucks a loose strand of hair behind his ear. Pushes himself to his feet and smooths down his robes. Puts on what Sokka likes to call his "Fire Lord Face," and turns to get back to work.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i wrote this as a little break from a much longer azula-centric redemption fic i'm working on , so if that sounds like your cup of tea or you liked this, please subscribe to the series to be updated on it! also, <a href="https://zuko-best-boi.tumblr.com/">i'm on tumblr!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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